What is the difference between victim and survivor

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Necessary Necessary. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. Victims feel helpless, whereas survivors have reclaimed their power and taken back the control of their lives.

Through survivorship we take responsibility for our choices and our feelings and consciously decide that we are no longer a victim. Survivorship is a choice to heal. I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it. I was a victim of child sexual abuse and abandonment. I wore my victimhood for about ten years.

Despite being in therapy, I was not able to let go of playing the victim as I continued to live in the past. As a victim I had little responsibilities other than school. People felt sorry for me and were very careful not to upset me.

Being left alone was what I thought I wanted. I had made some friends and realized that I was creating some of the drama that was around me.

Then, I had someone tell me that I liked my victimhood more then I wanted to be a survivor! Wow — how dare they say that to me? They have no idea what I have been through. After my initial bout of anger that rose out of me, I listened to what they had to say. To be a survivor, I had to give up the idea that I was a victim and learn from the experience. Here is how to let go of being a victim to becoming a survivor. The only thing within your control is how you react and respond to the chaotic dance of life.

Overcomers have to learn a new language that is devoid of blame. It means that as a survivor, one has to take responsibility for the choices made since the abuse. The choices that were made were ultimately the cause of the situation we are now in, not the mistreatment. Yes, I was abused. By letting go of the blame, we also let go of the helplessness a victim feels.

Blaming others means that they are the ones in control of our life not us, therefore, we make the decision to be a survivor and take back the control of our lives. Forgiveness is a way that one can release the blame. My mother was an alcoholic , unable to love and care for me the way that I needed to be. They want their stories to be theirs. It is true that I borrowed a tight, black dress; that I loved the way alcohol helped me slide out of my inhibitions like a used-up skin; that I wanted the raw new me underneath to touch and be touched, up to a certain point.

It is true that only rapists deserve the blame for rape; that clothing choices, drinking and kissing do not indicate consent to sex; that rape and sex are distant cousins, not twins; that predators often use alcohol to control their victims. And it is true that any attempt to sort human beings into categories necessarily shaves off some of our humanity, replacing each unique individual with a type. Would you rather be the victim type, who courts and marinates in adversity, or the survivor type, who triumphs over it?

Are you pawn , pigeon , prey or a strong, capable woman who courageously saved her own life? In truth, I am both and I am neither. I am one human being with a particular story about a life-shaping act of violence that, no matter how many times I tell it, only I will ever know by heart. Call me whatever you like. Excerpted from Pretty Bitches by Lizzie Skurnick. All rights reserved. Contact us at letters time.

Martin-dm—Getty Images. By Kate Harding. TIME Ideas hosts the world's leading voices, providing commentary on events in news, society, and culture. We welcome outside contributions. Opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect the views of TIME editors. A survivor is a person who remains alive after an event in which others have died, literally or metaphorically.

There are two types of survivors: one who remains a part of a group of people for support and encouragement, and another who copes well with difficulties in his or her life and inspires others to do the same. I could no longer function effectively. I was consumed with fear. So, I did what I thought would protect me and began vacuuming the carpets in my house every night before bed.

This brought on the beginning stages of obesity and drug use, and the sexual abuse consumed my thoughts. Those thoughts were of shame, guilt, and fear, and trust me—feeling that way about your own self makes you want to die! Metaphorically speaking, slowly but surely I was killing myself one way or the other, and I needed help.

Who wants to look broken? Or damaged? Or depressed? No one! Your expressions and behaviors are literally self-fulfilling prophesies of your mind-set. Thus, when you are not encountering your full potential or embracing all your own experiences, you are reinforcing your existing beliefs and failing to inform yourself of new possibilities.

Almost every person I have ever interviewed had several things in common, including: the same nightmare over and over, a need for acceptance, the desire to help other people, and faith. They are successful men and women who have overcome and accomplished things in their lives because of perseverance, determination, and forgiveness, and their main focus in life now is to create a new order through the businesses, nonprofits, ministries, and teachings they have established from their own painful past.